Hello! It’s been quite a while since I’ve published a blog post. Honestly, it feels like we are in a totally different world than back in April. Dealing with COVID-19 was certainly a stressful challenge, but the events of early June with the murders of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd opened up a flood of emotions and despair. I found myself utterly depressed for the first 2 weeks of June, unable to pull myself from social media and cable news. Now that it’s been over a month since this social “awakening” took place, I felt it would be a good time to reflect on my feelings then and now.
I must first start by saying that even as a black woman, I am completely aware of the privileges I have had and continue to have in my life. Both of my parents are college graduates, and remained married through my childhood. They have always been a source of strength and support, and instilled the values of education and hard work. I am from Cary, North Carolina, a town that is predominately white and affluent. I have a master’s degree. I know that there are many people of different races who have a more challenging life than I have. Since I was little, I was keenly aware that white people made assumptions about me because of my race. Their thoughts about my hair, my lips, or the way I spoke. What made my childhood doubly challenging was that fact that my black peers gave me a hard time too. I can’t tell you the number of times I was called an “oreo” for being “white on the inside, black on the outside.”
These were things that I accepted. They hurt, were annoying, and I wish they were different, but I accepted them. When working through my thoughts an emotions after George Floyd’s murder, I realized how angry I was about all of the things that I and other black people have simply had to accept over the years. Things we let roll off our backs without another thought. In the first weeks of June I received calls and messages from white friends and colleagues to make sure I was okay and to ask what they could do. Some expressed that they had no idea what black people faced on a daily basis in our American society. I know that my white friends were doing what they could, but I couldn’t help but feel angry and dismayed that NOW, after a brutal murder caught on tape, white people are taking the time to understand what has been going on since the founding of this nation.
It’s now July, and I am still working through my feelings. When I think about the systems upon which our country is built, I feel powerless and frustrated. I worked for the public school system for 7 years, so I’m very familiar with broken systems. I have decided that instead of feeling defeated, I must focus on what I can do on a daily basis to help and encourage my community and the people I love. I have always been someone who loves to help people. I am using my current role as a realtor to promote local businesses in my community, to help with financial literacy, and to encourage generational wealth.
I can’t help but feel that we are in this moment for a reason. I am determined to continue to have a positive outlook despite the problems we have. If you would like to learn more about ways to help in Baltimore, or work for racial justice in general, please explore these resources:
Baltimore Racial Justice Action
How have you been feeling over this past month?
XOXO,
Persia
